Brother
by Wayward67
Summary: "I wished I had the answers, Dean..." was all Sam could say, his throat was tightening and tears were streaming down both the brother's cheeks. Tag to 12x14.


~ Tag to 12x14. Takes place directly after this clip... watch?v=2lDxx4L4Vn4  
I feel like there is so MAJOR things left unsaid and wish they would have carried on the angsty goodness dynamic between BMOL, Mary and the boys...enjoy. ~

Sam paused only a moment to watch Mary walk up the stairs and out the door. When she disappeared he let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding. He felt ...confused. There was some kind of puree of betrayal, anger, desperation and love going on in the pit of his stomach and chest.  
He took his time wandering to Dean's room, apprehensive as to what may be waiting for him. The news of Mary working with BMOL was shocking, but it didn't hit him in the way he was sure it hit Dean. Dean knew this woman. Dean knew this woman knew what those assholes did to Sam. . 

"Dean?" Sam said quietly,hands in his jeans pockets, shoulders rising in a deep breath. He was watching Dean pace his room. He was expecting rage and a trashed room, but it shook him to his core what his eyes met.  
Dean was fighting back tears,breathing heavily...nearly hyperventilating.  
"Hey, hey, hey...c'mon on sit down.." Sam moved to his brothers side quickly, but Dean moved away..  
"How..." Dean managed, his cheeks flushed, eyes watery, but out of focus.  
Sam understood though. Keeping a hand to his older brothers' shoulder, he sighed heavily.  
"I don't know,Dean."  
Dean moved away from Sam again, hands scrubbing over his face and into his hair. Sam had never actually witnessed his brother have an anxiety attack before tonight. There had been moments, but those were caused by ghost sickeness and his car being towed away...  
This. This was the real thing. . .

"The last memory of her I have...of the before her...it was that morning. " Dean's voice was shaking and tears flowed freely, his breath hitching now and then. Sam couldn't help the tears from shedding down his own cheeks as he watched his older brother tremble..

"Um, she made me french toast for breakfast and..and..we uh, we went for a walk. Just us. Dad was home with you. I...used to be able to remember what we did..but it's just a friggin memory now..." Dean paused and looked up at Sam, eyes so lost, swimming with tears.

"How come I feel like she died all over again, Sammy? How ..do I even look at her?"  
"I wished I had the answers, Dean..." was all Sam could say, his throat was tightening and tears were streaming down both the brother's cheeks.  
Dean nodded slowly, inhaling a shuddering breath, "I..um, don't hate me, but uh...can I be alone for a minute?"  
Sam hesitated, unsure of where Dean's head space was and whether or not he needed to be more worried than he already was...  
"I promise, I'll come see you...I just need a few minutes Sammy."  
Sniffing hard, Sam nodded, unable to string a sentence together really. In unison they let out a trembling sigh and Sam backed out of Dean's room, shutting the door. Of course he didn't leave the hall. He just listened and what he heard made him cover his mouth...trying to stop his own sobs escapse.  
Dean was crying. It wasn't loud but it was heartbreaking. Sam had to place a hand on Dean's door,silently holding his brother up as he let go...  
What kicked Sam in the stomach was words uttered inbetween the wet breaths...

5 minutes passed and Sam now stood against the opposite wall of Dean's room. The door opened and Dean stood there, looking exhausted..  
They stood there, recooperating. ..

"Thank you, Sammy."  
"For what?"  
"For being here...and at the risk of sounding like a chick, for being someone I can really count on..."  
"Dean. You're my brother..Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you..."  
Sam moved forward and just wrapped his arms around his older brother. Dean, who in turn wrapped his arms around Sam.

Once they parted, Sam felt lighter...the weird mix of feelings were there still, but not as intense.  
"Why don't you just chill for a bit, I'll make a burger run and tomorrow, we'll take the day off." he said, with a tone that said that this was the actual plan for the next 18 hours or so...  
Dean hesitated, brow arched but he nodded..  
"You'll be okay -"  
"Yes, I'll be fine."  
"I mean, maybe you should just c-"  
"Sam. Go. and DO NOT..."  
"Forget the pie, yeah, I know."  
"I'm serious. There's been too many times..."  
"Dean."  
Dean raised both his brows, in a very "I'm serious" manner as he backed into his room, pointing his finger in Sam's direction...  
Sam shook his head and headed toward the exit...

Eventually they would talk about Mary again...Eventually they would be okay with it all. 

Eventually.


End file.
